At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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