I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just gift wrapped bread.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Who put my cat in the fridge?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
