Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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