I think scott just propositioned me for sex
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
