Your face is a jimmy john
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize