i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
