You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
