i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
