I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
