after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
