As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
