I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
