Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
