wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
