hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He uses pillows to masturbate.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm sobbing to NWA
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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