Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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