mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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