Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize