That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
