i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
