dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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