Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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