dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
