You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
