my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
