dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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