I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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