One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
