First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
