Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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