a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
