but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
