she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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