my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
