You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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