false alarm. still invincible.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
