Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize