I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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