i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
