I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
