I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
