i was rollin on her like bob the builder
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
