Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
