The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
