The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
