Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
