porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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