he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
