I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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