we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
