Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
