dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
