U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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