I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
