You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
