He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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