Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
