As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Text me some of your sweat
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize