Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
