the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
So squirting runs in the family.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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