During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
