dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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