Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(509): View more from Washington

Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.

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(847): View more from Illinois

then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order

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(925): View more from California

Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell

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(276): View more from Virginia

Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.

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(561): View more from Florida

Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"

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(805): View more from California

Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.

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