oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
where does the pee come out of this thing
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
