Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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