She went from zero to smokin in five shots
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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