i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
