Please, let me fuck your mom
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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