I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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