I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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