and you said cock pushups were impossible
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
