Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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